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Valjean

That's relaly thinking out of the box. Thanks!

Ppl like you get all the brains. I just get to say thanks for he aswner.

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IMHO you've got the right asnwer!

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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

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I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

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Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Why don't you write books people can read?

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

Quotes

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Philosophical quotes

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

I love you quotes

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Quotes about hope

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

Why don't you write books people can read?

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Happy fathers day quotes

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Inspirational quotes

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Whole life insurance quotes

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

Funny movie quotes

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

Insurance quotes

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Mark twain quotes

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Cute love quotes

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

Free auto insurance quotes

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Quotes about change

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Sad love quotes

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

Little rascal quotes

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

Funny quotes or sayings

Quotes by famous people

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Quotes and sayings

Car insurance quotes

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Quotes and sayings

Quotes about change

Famous quotes about life

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

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And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

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